and I see there is no where to turn for her, nowhere to turn to fill the gap she will leave once again in my life.
I had just found her, really,
the past few year with us both living in kamloops.
I know food will not fill that hole, a movie, TV, travel, sex, shopping, being busy, indulging my emotions, dramatising the situation.
All the fav's just show up pale. no life, no juice.
I am sitting in my bed, I had a bath, did a pedicure/manicure. It is 10 in the morning, on a friday.
this weekend my brother & my niece will come into town to say good.by to her.
She is dying.
She is a shell of what she was a month ago.
A shaddow of what she was a year ago.
The grief is solid and yet floating in everything, pervasive. There is no point on which to tether todays identity to.
So I float with the pure benifit that is always there, always on, the very essence of the situation.
I watch the view
Life goes on
There is absolutely NO point
Wow
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