What can have me back asleep, unaware and treating the data like it is something that is solid and real?
Boy does that stress me out!
And I lived like that all of my life, trying to get the damn data to fit into the box I created, sorting, pushing.
Getting the family/myself/house/dog/yard/business etc ready so we can all go to India for a month.
Got me!
Letting everything be as it is, is more accessible for me when my life is slower, simpler but when I get up to more, especially when it involves my husband and son, I get hooked!
But yet so SO much better than it ever was before. I drop the stress faster. But I do notice an interesting thing. I don't internalize, I actually act out the frustration like a child. Yesterday I attacked a plant in my living room. lucky no one was around, they didn't see!......I apologized to it this morning! I'm more like a little kid who has no need to not be what ever I am, like its all OK. Its OK to be stressed out , if that is the phenomenon that is showing up. Better to hit a plant, i guess, than strike out at my family. I think I did pretty good at not projecting onto them. Although I had some pretty murderous thoughts at times.
My awareness is not always expanded and wide open. There are times I am constricted in my awareness and the wholeness of my great beingness constricts down through a particular point of view. Big deal! All of that is only the display of the phenomenon that I am.
I am starting to realize that I am not my personality! which is just another phenomenon that displays through me. wow! that feels lighter! .... and then again other people are not their personality's either.
Slowly, slowly the truth of my beingness is dawning.
Boy does that stress me out!
And I lived like that all of my life, trying to get the damn data to fit into the box I created, sorting, pushing.
Getting the family/myself/house/dog/yard/business etc ready so we can all go to India for a month.
Got me!
Letting everything be as it is, is more accessible for me when my life is slower, simpler but when I get up to more, especially when it involves my husband and son, I get hooked!
But yet so SO much better than it ever was before. I drop the stress faster. But I do notice an interesting thing. I don't internalize, I actually act out the frustration like a child. Yesterday I attacked a plant in my living room. lucky no one was around, they didn't see!......I apologized to it this morning! I'm more like a little kid who has no need to not be what ever I am, like its all OK. Its OK to be stressed out , if that is the phenomenon that is showing up. Better to hit a plant, i guess, than strike out at my family. I think I did pretty good at not projecting onto them. Although I had some pretty murderous thoughts at times.
My awareness is not always expanded and wide open. There are times I am constricted in my awareness and the wholeness of my great beingness constricts down through a particular point of view. Big deal! All of that is only the display of the phenomenon that I am.
I am starting to realize that I am not my personality! which is just another phenomenon that displays through me. wow! that feels lighter! .... and then again other people are not their personality's either.
Slowly, slowly the truth of my beingness is dawning.
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